You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
