At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
