If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
