you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
