I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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