you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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