she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
