Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
