the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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