I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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