hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
