I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
