its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
