she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
