I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
