Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
