Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
