All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The uberlube is also flammable
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
