they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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