I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
this hospital has no fireball
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize