Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
