So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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