don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
