It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
