I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
