I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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