you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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