had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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