easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
