i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
