how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
