I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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