My first STD was from a foam party
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
accomplished twins. life is a go
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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