these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
