Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
