come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
