Girls should come with a carfax report
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
