just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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