i was born a porn star she said
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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