wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
