I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
