the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
