all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Is it because I queefed?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
