I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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