Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
