Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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