who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am mentally ready for anal.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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