My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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