He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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