I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Someone came in the potted fern
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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