my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I believe in your delicious
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
